Then You May Take Me to the Fair

King Pellinore arrives; he's been on a quest for a beast for 18 years and
is a bit stiff from sleeping in his armor.  Guenevere invites him to
stay the night.  Arthur arrives and introduces Lancelot who immediately
puts Guenevere's back up by being overbearing and pretentious.  Guenevere
extracts a promise from three knights to challenge Lancelot in the next
tournament.

  

    
Guenevere:
    
Sir Lionel,

      Do you recall the other night

      That I distinctly said you might

      Serve as my escort 

      At the next Town Fair?
      

      Well, I'm afraid there's someone who

      I must invite in place of you.

      Someone who plainly is 

      Beyond compare.
      

      That Frenchman's pow'r is more tremendous

      Than I have e'er seen anywhere,

      And when a man is that stupendous

      He by right should take me to the Fair.
  
  

    
Lionel:
    
Your Majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him.

      Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore.

      Oh, give me the opportunity to fight him

      And Gaul will be divided once more.
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
You will bash and thrash him?
  
  

    
Lionel:
    
I'll smash and mash him!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
You'll give him trouble?
  
  

    
Lionel:
    
He will be rubble!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
A mighty whack?
  
  

    
Lionel:
    
His skull will crack!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
Well,

      Then you may take me to the Fair

      If you do all the things you promise.

      In fact, my heart would break

      Should you not take me to the Fair.
      

      Sir Sagramore,

      I have some rather painful news

      Relative to the subject who's

      To be beside me at the 

      Next Court Ball.
      

      You were the chosen one, I know,

      But it's tradition it should go

      To the unquestion'd 

      Champion in the hall.
      

      And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman

      Can eas'ly conquer one and all;

      And besting all our local henchman

      He should sit beside me at the Ball.
  
  

    
Sagramore:
    
I beg of you, Ma'am,

      Withhold your invitation.

      I swear to you this challenge will be met.

      And when I have finished up the operation

      I'll severe him to your Highness en brochette!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
You'll pierce right through him?
  
  

    
Sagramore:
    
I'll barbecue him!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
A wicked thrust?
  
  

    
Sagramore:
    
'Twill be dust to dust!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
From fore to aft?
  
  

    
Sagramore:
    
He'll feel a draft!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
Well, then, you may sit

      By me at the Ball

      If you demolish him in battle.

      In fact, I know I'd cry

      Were you not by me at the Ball
      

      Sir Dinadan,

      Didn't I promise that you may

      Guide me to London on the day

      That I go up to

      Judge the Cattle Show?
      

      As it is quite a nasty ride,

      There must be someone at my side

      Who'll be defending me

      From beast and foe.
      

      So, when I choose whom I prefer go

      I take the strongest knight I know.

      And young Du Lac seems strongest; ergo,

      He should take me to the Cattle Show.
  
  

    
Dinadan:
    
Your Majesty can't believe this blust'ring prattle!

      Let him prove it with a sword or lance instead.

      I promise  you when I'm done this gory battle

      His shoulders will be lonesome for his head!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
You'll disconnect him?
  
  

    
Dinadan:
    
I'll vivisect him!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
You'll open wide him?
  
  

    
Dinadan:
    
I'll subdivide him!
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear,

      Then you may guide me to the Show

      If you can carry out your programme.

      In fact, I'd grieve inside

      Should you not guide me to the Show.
  
  

    
Knights:
    
Milady, we shall put an end to

      That Gallic bag of noise and nerve.

      When we do all that we intend to

      He'll be a plate of French hors d'oeuvres.
  
  

    
Guenevere:
    
I do applaud your noble goals;

      Now let us see if you achieve them.

      And if you do then you will

      Be the three 

      Who will go

      To the Ball,

      To the Show

      And take me to the Fair!


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