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Winter Snow "letters"

Dear Diary
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
The Changing Thoughts On Wintertime Snow

grapes

DEAR DIARY

Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in Idaho. It's so beautiful here!
The landscape is so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered
with snow! God's country; I LOVE it here!

Oct. 14 Idaho is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are
turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went
for a ride through some beautiful hills and spotted some deer. They are
so graceful, certainly the most peaceful animals on Earth. This place
must be Paradise. I love it here!

Nov. 11 Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to
kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility.
Hope it will snow soon...I love it here!

Dec. 2 It finally snowed last night! Woke up to find everything
blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard! We went outside and
cleaned off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I
won!), and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the end of the
driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in
perfect harmony. I love Idaho.

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick
again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 More snow last night...couldn't get out of the driveway to get
to work this morning! I'm exhausted from shoveling. Damned snow plow!

Dec. 22 More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters
on my hands from all the shoveling. I think the snow plow man hides
around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway.
Asshole!

Dec. 25 "White Christmas" my busted ass! More friggin' snow. If I
ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow plow, I swear
I'll castrate the dumb bastard! Don't know why they don't use more salt on
the roads and just MELT the fucking ice.

Dec. 28 MORE white shit last night. We've been inside every day since
Christmas except to shovel out the driveway after "Snow Plow Harry" comes
by every time. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried under a mountain of
white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you
know how many shovels full of snow 10" is?!

Jan. 1 Happy Fucking New Year; the weatherman was wrong (again). We
got 28" of that white shit this time. At this rate, it won't melt until
the 4th of July!. The snow plow got stuck up the road, and the
shithead had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel.
After I told him I've broken 6 shovels already from shoveling
all the shit he pushed in my driveway, I broke my last one over his fucking head!

Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. We went to the store to
get food and on the way back a goddam deer ran in front of the car and I hit
the bastard. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts
should be killed. Wish the hunters had shot them all last November!

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the
thing is rotting out from all that fuckin' salt they kept dumping on the roads.
Car looks like a piece of shit!

May 10 Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right
friggin' mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken State of
Idaho!

grapes

Diary Of A Snow Shoveler

December 8:

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14:

Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15:

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16:

Ice storm this morning. Fell on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17:

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22:

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white thing fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and by the time I got dressed, I was too tired to shovel. Ted said to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but Bob says he's too busy. I think he is lying.

December 23:

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's also lying.

December 24:

6" Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow for sure. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25:

Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%& snow tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26:

Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? I was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27:

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28:

Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. This is driving me crazy!!!

December 29:

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:

Roof caved in. The snow plowdriver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31:

Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8:

I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

grapes

The Changing Thoughts On Wintertime Snow

NOVEMBER 23 - It started snowing at six in the evening - the first of the season and the husband and I sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down over the area. It was beautiful.

NOVEMBER 24 - We awoke to a big beautiful blanet of crystal white snow covering the landscape - what a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful mantle. I shoveled for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Late the plow came along and covered our driveway up with snow from the road, so I cleaned them again.

DECEMBER 12 - The sun has melted much of our lovely snow. Oh Well, I'm sure we will get some more before the enjoyable winter is over.

DECEMBER 15 - It snowed eight inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero. Shoveled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplow came by and did its trick again.

DECEMBER 16 - Sold my car and bought a 4x4 Grand Cherokee so I can drive in the snow; also bough snow tires for the husband's car.

DECEMBER 18 - Fell on my behind on the ice in the driveway; all that was hurt was my feelings.

DECEMBER 21 - Had another 14 inches of the white junk last night; more shoveling in store for me today; the darn plow came by twice.

DECEMBER 22 - We were assured of a White Christmas because 13 inches of white junk fell today; and with this freezing weather, it won't melt until August. Got all dressed up (boots, jump suits, heavy jacket, scarf, ear muffs, gloves, etc.) to go out and shovel, but had two cups of coffee, then I got the urge to go to the bathroom.

DECEMBER 24 - If I ever catch the guy that drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his feet. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the road 100 MPH and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

DECEMBER 25 - Merry Christmas! They predict another 20 inches of that white stuff tonight. Do they know how many shovels fulls of snow 20 inches is? Bologna with Santa; he doesn't have to shovel the white junk. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him on the head with my snow shovel.

DECEMBER 26 - We got 28 inches and then some. I must be going snow blind or have a severe case of cabin fever, because the husband is beginning to look really good to me.

DECEMBER 28 - I set fire to the house; now that white junk won't cling to the roof. Hope your Holidays were wonderful!

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